I’ll start again on Monday…

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Trust me when I say, I firmly fall into the “grown up” category, but there is some part of me that feels like I am a child playing at being an adult, appearing to myself as not quite as successful at life as everybody else my age seems to be…

Do we all have an idea in our heads about what we imagine our lives to be? Specific criteria, targets for life that determine whether we are successful and of course, therefore, happy?

For me, the day I will achieve “happiness” is the day I am thin, have no money worries, qualify as an accountant, get married and have a family, have a perfect clean and tidy home. Will this make me happy? Probably not, but should I not try to better myself, strive towards my own concept of ideal?

I’ll start on Monday… We have all heard this phrase. It directly follows the moment we lose our internal struggle and give in to that little devil on our shoulder. I can’t count the times I have said this to myself about so many different areas of my life. Every time I think those four little words it feels like another failure, an endless cycle, once again I have given up and let myself down.

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I blame being too busy at work for my bad eating habits, a lack of time for putting my studies on hold or not exercising. I justify to myself why, at this specific moment in time, I can’t possibly achieve the expectations I have set for myself, I promise to be better in the future, then I feel disappointed with myself, I critique my life and tell myself I failed to reach my ideal goals so I shouldn’t be happy… my own little vicious circle… all the planning and preparation for a better future but no willpower to sustain the journey.

I have been contemplating a blog for a while, something to help me stay motivated specifically with dieting, but as I’ve started to write my first post, it’s obvious it needs to be much more, it needs to be my own sanctuary, a place where I can focus on my goals and celebrate my mini successes, somewhere I can be brutally honest and be completely myself. This will be my journey to becoming the grown up I always imagined being. No more excuses… I’ll start Tuesday!

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